Building Routines That Truly Work for You

It's a common belief that creating and sticking to routines is incredibly difficult, especially if you've experienced challenges with consistency. You might even feel like your brain is wired against it. But what if the problem isn't you, but rather the approach you've been taking to routines?

Think about it: do you have any "bad" habits? Perhaps staying up too late, scrolling on your phone, or eating junk food while watching TV? How did those become habits? You likely just kept doing them until they became a routine. This reveals a powerful truth: you are capable of forming routines. The real question is, how do you create good ones that genuinely stick and serve your personal growth?

The Trap of Unrealistic Expectations

Often, the struggle to create lasting routines stems from unrealistic expectations. You might be trying to change too many behaviors at once, expecting your brain to remember and follow through with all of them daily. This is a common pitfall.

Consider this scenario: you want to establish a new morning routine because your current mornings are chaotic. You might search online for "morning routine" and find videos of neurotypical individuals waking at 5 AM for matcha lattes, meditation, and intense gym sessions, all before 8 AM. This sounds ideal, so you try to replicate it.

• Day 1: You wake at 5 AM, have your instant matcha, and head to the gym. You feel great.
• Day 2: You manage 5 AM again, but your body is a bit achy, and you can't find your matcha. You still get to work on time.
• Day 3: Your body is exhausted. Waking at 5 AM is a struggle. You've decided you hate matcha, and you missed your gym appointment. You're on time for work, but you feel lousy and completely over the entire routine. You end up going to bed late, sleeping in, and you're back to square one.

This cycle can leave you wondering what's wrong with you. But there's nothing wrong with you at all. You've simply been socialized to believe that the "right" way to do things is found externally – from an influencer, an expert, or a guru. While many practices and biohacks are valuable, any routine that you will truly stick with for the long term, and that will be good for you, must come from within.

The Power of Intrinsic Motivation

We live in a culture that often promotes a "monkey see, monkey do" mentality. However, especially if your brain works differently, you need to cultivate routines that are unique to you. Your routines must work for your:

• Lifestyle
• Brain
• Temperament
• Fluctuating energy levels
• Preferences
• Interests

When you take the time to get curious about what truly works for you and then implement those changes slowly over time, those are the habits that will stick. These are the routines that are perfect for you.

It takes time to truly understand the importance of listening to your own heart and head when making decisions. For example, you might see others your age lifting heavy weights and feel you "should" be doing the same. Yet, your body might prefer mind-body experiences like bodyweight exercises, stretching, mobility, and balance work. When you move in a way that feels good to your body, your brain functions better, and your nervous system relaxes.

External influences can be incredibly strong, but when you listen to your body and your intuition, making choices aligned with your values, you will always end up in a much better situation. At the end of the day, you are the only expert on you. You've been with yourself your entire life and know what's best.

Building Self-Trust and Intuition

The challenge often lies in not fully trusting yourself. To build that self-trust, you need to be willing to listen to your intuition. Take a moment whenever you're making a decision and ask yourself:

• "What do I really feel about this?"
• "Am I pursuing this because of an extrinsic influence, or am I intrinsically interested and motivated to do it?"

When you slow down and get clear on these questions, you'll start making better choices that are best for you, regardless of popular opinion.

Putting It Into Practice: Designing Your Own Routines

Let's apply this to building routines that will truly serve you. Think of an area in your life where a new or improved routine would be beneficial – perhaps your morning, workout, or nighttime routine.

1. Define Your "Why" and Align with Your Values

First, ask yourself: What are you trying to optimize for? Are you aiming for efficiency, calmness, better health, or something else? Why is this important to you, and how does it align with your values? Be very clear about the most important thing you want to get out of building this new habit or behavior. This intrinsic motivation is far more powerful than external influences or simply doing something because everyone else is.

2. Reduce or Remove Friction

Next, ask: How can you reduce or remove any friction that currently exists in this routine?

• Morning Routine Example: If your biggest friction is getting out of bed, how can you improve your nighttime routine to go to bed earlier and sleep longer? This reduces the friction of waking up.
• Dinner Routine Example: If you struggle with meal planning or cooking, how can you reduce that friction? Could you hire a meal service, barter help with a friend, or do meal prep on weekends?

List out the friction points between your current routine and your ideal routine, and focus on removing those obstacles rather than just adding new behaviors. The easier you can make a new behavior, the more likely it is to stick. Start with the "low-hanging fruit" – the easiest changes – to build momentum. Once a behavior becomes a habit, then you can gradually add more.

Your Unique Path to Success

Trying to do "unnatural" things just because others are doing them is often a recipe for disaster. While you might not have the best memory or organize exactly like a neurotypical person, you can achieve your goals by approaching everything with the attitude: "I need to do this in a way that works for me."

Your path to success might look different from others, and that's perfectly okay. You may not always be able to explain how you do things because it comes from intuition and innate knowledge, but you can do it in your own way. Instead of assuming you can't do something, ask yourself: "How can I do this in a way that does work for me?"

By trusting your intuition, understanding your unique needs, and systematically removing friction, you can build routines that not only stick but also genuinely support your personal growth journey.